Yahoo won't let you forget 'Friday,' so neither will I

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you have already had the pleasure of hearing rising star (tee hee) Rebecca Black’s smash youtube hit “Friday.” If you haven’t, listen now.

How does it make you feel? Angry? Helpless? Loss of faith in this planet? You know what have to say to you? You sir and/or Madame are a sour-puss. Yeah I said it. It has been widely dubbed the worst song ever made which is, completely unfair. The only way that could possibly true is if you’re one of those that like to pretend the 80s never happened.

They don’t like you forgetting. They still have their whips.

But anyway, this post is too late to simply bag on or praise “Friday” it’s what? Two weeks old? Maybe three? That’s old entertainment news in the internet world. . . . Unless you happen to be yahoo.com, who has posted almost as many articles about RB as they have on ‘how to not get your food pissed in when at a restaurant’ articles.

 You can’t see it, but one of their flies is actually down.

Yahoo has recently posted an article proving once and for all that, though we like to believe it, not everybody can sing as well Rebecca Black. Now I’m not saying that this means RB should be trying out for American Idol any time soon, but just take a listen to “Sunday” by some other girl and you will see what I mean.

 On the plus side the rap part is actually much better.

You know it’s bad when you can’t even hold a monotone using auto-tune because your voice cracks too much. I blame it on her age, her body's still not done growing. . . Actually it's definitely not done growing. But nonsense! She's just a girl, making a video for the fun of it. I can’t hate on a little girl singing about church for Christ’s sake!

I can just feel the innocence pouring from the song.

That’s what everyone else did on Rebecca Black. Why is she getting this label of worst song ever? She made a song, which the producers clearly said wouldn’t make her popular and now everybody has heard it. Why? Because people like it on some basic level or else it would just fade away into Internet oblivion like every shitty screamo cover of Katy Perry’s latest song. Her song is being played over and over again, if it was truly so incredibly terrible nobody would want to listen to it. Yet instead, we keep returning to it. 

And it’s all because Yahoo and company won’t let us forget! So I say screw it! Let’s make ‘Sunday’ a multi-million dollar song too. Heck, phone your radio stations and tell them to just play youtube songs from now on, that’s obviously what people are listening too now anyway. It's like a friend of mine (who's not a fan of pop music) said, if it weren't for the comment section, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between this and Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber or Britney Spears. Ke$ha is the same style as RB anyway isn't she? Yes, yes she is.

On the plus side, yahoo shared this version which I thought was pretty good.

Pia voted off, Stefano & Paul remain?

It really should come as no surprise to anybody that I am a loyal American Idol viewer and have been for at least 7 years. That being said, I’ve seen a lot of people get up on that stage and sing their hearts out. They can hit every note in multiple octaves and they can belt it out like a true rock star, diva, or whatever else they may be going for. And I’ve seen them voted off just the same, while lesser singers still remain.

Here's looking at you asshole.

As much as quite a few people are surprised that Pia Toscano, whom many believed had a solid shot at winning this season, got sent home, I am not. While it’s undeniable that she was a very good singer, arguably the best singer there, there is more to the show than simply singing. Now if you come at me with, ‘It’s a singing competition,’ I will tell you that, no asshole, it’s not.

If it were simply a singing competition, there would be no need to televise it. Nobody would repeatedly tell Stefano to look at the audience because that’s not part of the singing. It’s part of the performance. But saying that American Idol is simply a performance competition is also inaccurate. Seriously, let’s dissect the title just to simplify things.

American: Pretty self-explanatory.

Idol: Now here’s where the magic really comes into play. It’s neither American Singer nor American Performance. The title is Idol.

Thankfully not American Badass.

I feel like this point is sometimes downplayed and sometimes brought up too much depending on whichever theory favors the contestant in question. Yet, this is how I see: Here is how dictionary.com describes idol: any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion: Madame Curie had been her childhood idol.

Whoever "her" is may be someone to avoid.

But surely, you didn’t come here to read the dictionary. Okay, so idol requires one to be the full package. To be an idol means people have to adore you and to look up to you. I may think Enya is a fantastic singer. But Lady Gaga is an idol, even if her clubs aren’t quite the iron Enya’s are.

So too, Pia in comparison to many of the other Idol contestants. Sure, Haley has had as many god-awful weeks as she has good, sure, she growls and screams more than Jonathon Davis.

This guy.

Okay, so Scotty’s range is minimal at most. Maybe he’s a bit of a one trick pony but as that dude with the glasses that’s been helping everyone this year said about somebody at some point. “It’s a good trick.” What these people have is some personality, something more than their performance for the viewer to remember. This in no way means that I endorse Haley winning the competition, in fact, I would be ashamed with America if that was the case, but I can understand how Pia got left behind. Her songs, though wonderfully sang, did not really break any new ground and let’s be honest. She was dry as a biscuit.

A very hot biscuit nonetheless.

It does still upset me that she has gone home this early however, when Paul and Stefano are still in the game. What is up with that? I hated myself last night for enjoying Paul’s song because every other week since the very beginning I have loathed him. That creepy smile, that creepy voice, those creepy pants, that creepy bouncing thing he does. He’s like some creepy satyr come to steal your children away.

I will not make a dong joke. I will not make a dong joke.

And Stefano? He’s similar in personality to Pia (read boring) but his singing isn’t near as good. Sometimes these’s people’s song choices make me question if they really are 20 something year olds and not just vessels for dried up old singers. Is it wrong to want to hear songs I’ve heard of? Every time Stefano talks I have to suppress the urge to scream Douche! at the top of my lungs.

So to sum up my feelings towards tonight’s “shocking” results show. I was not shocked. Slightly disappointed. Still losing faith in America, but not American Idol, I will continue watching all the same, and not lose a bit of sleep over tonights ruling.

See ya, Pia!

(Sorry, I had to say it)

Guys, I've Gone Goo-Goo for Gaga!

Yeah, I said it. 

I simply love Lady Gaga. To put it into perspective how much I love Lady Gaga, consider this: I have been to only one musical concert in my lifetime (Two if you count Weird Al) and that concert was the 2010 Monster Ball at the Consol Energy Center. To put it bluntly, it may just have been the best night of my life.

Now before we all start with the accusations of homosexuality, I must reiterate a point. I LOVE Lady Gaga. Not the way I love a new Lil Wayne song or how I love the smell of daisies and butterflies in the morning, but in the sense that I want spend the rest of my days growing old with her. As in, I want her to give birth to my children and we can all be one happy Gaga family. Hell, you can even call me Papa Monster if you want to.

I'd make this my wallpaper but I'm not ready for the looks it would bring.

It amazes me what she has turned into because when I fell in love with her, she had not yet released her "Paparazzi" video or worn any of her wilder get ups. I know for many people, the strangeness turned them off of her, for me, it made it all the better. She went from pop star to a cult symbol and a pop star at the same time. Because, let’s face it, though she has her “little monsters,” that is, the misfits she targets as her main audience, she’s still a pop star. As in, popular, as in, the popular people like her. Many people love her in all her quirkiness even if they aren’t misfits, or don’t call themselves “Little Monsters.” It’s a love or hate thing really.

Maybe you think her lyrics are “dumb” or she is too explicit in her sexuality. I may be able to see where you’re coming from, if naked people offend you or you don’t feel her lyrics are up to par with . . . whomever it is that makes intelligent lyrics nowadays.  Those are legitimate claims I suppose. But don’t even try to say that she cannot sing. After seeing her live, I can attest, first hand, that she can indeed sing. She could sing circles around Ke$ha or Brittany. Remember that time at the VMA’s? When she was wearing slaughtered cattle around her body like it was a Louis Vuitton accessory? 

And she's not the most distubring thing in this picture

Well if you recall she also belted out a couple bars of her then unreleased single “Born This Way.” That should be proof enough that she has the pipes, she just doesn’t always use them. [Here’s looking to you “Poker Face,” (Even that’s unfair, though, because there is the piano version of that ditty.)]

And after a long anticipated and hyped up wait, “Born This Way,” hit the world earlier this month Now we’ve got something to really go goo-goo for, for better or worse. The song features none of the repetitive sounds many haters cited as an annoyance in other songs (pa-pa-pa pokerface, Aly-Alejandro) She hits highs and she hits lows . . . notes that is. It’s an inspirational song about being yourself, which only bothers people scared of homosexuals. Seeing as I am not one of those people, what’s not to love about the song!?! It’s great to dance to (I do it in my room all the time! Just kidding . . . or am I?)



The beat is intense and not like any of her previous songs. But, haters are still going to hate.

I’m used to people saying that the latest pop star is copying Madonna, all you need to do to get that accusation thrown on you is to dye your hair blonde and be a little quirky. But now I hear (read) that people are saying that Gaga stole Madonna’s beat. Now, I’ve never been one to listen to 80s music, in fact, I make a point to avoid it. At all costs. Listening to “Express Yourself” has exemplified why this is.



Had many people not pointed out that the two songs sound similar, I would have never EVER made the connection myself. But the youtubers know best, as Rabonxt009 said

“Good job Madonna. This is almost as good as your other song...Born This Way. I love how YouTube even puts the Lady Gaga advert right next to the video on my page!”

Or as Popculture20 SCREAMED;

“OMG YOU GAGA FANS ARE SO FUCKING STUPID. DO US ALL A FAVOR AND DON'T BOTHER MAJORING IN MUSIC BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THAT IT'S SAD THAT YOU CAN'T RECOGNIZE THE MELODY GAGA RIPPED OFF.”

Got that? If you can’t see the similarities, you best not major in music because you’re so stupid it’s sad that you can’t see the similarities . . . The name is Popculture so you know he or she knows what’s up.

Interestingly they placed the same ad that Rabononxt009 spoke of next to the video when I watched it. Then I refreshed the page and, voila, got a different ad! . . . “GL a dating site created for and built by relationship-minded gays and lesbians”

. . . Stop looking at me like that!

On another note I found this NWA song that's pretty good. It also had the Gaga Advert.

But I’m getting off topic as usual. To make a long story short. Had somebody just sat me down one day and asked what song “Express Yourself” sounds like I would have simply said, ‘Easy! It sounds like every other 80s song’ or if I had just got done running up some stairs and was short on breath I may have simply said ‘crap.’ Either way, you get the point. The similarities are minimal and no way could it be called a rip-off. Gaga’s song is filled with almost industrial sounding electronic breakdowns and intense rap-like verse mixed in with some darn good singing. What’s Madonna got? A goddamn cowbell in the intro, that’s what.

But I haven’t even touched on the music video yet which is where the real insanity begins. Seriously, have you watched it? It’s at the top of the page; you better watch it. I’ll wait . . .

So, head-trip right? I have to be honest, I’ve been trying to pick apart the symbolism in Telephone for many a month now and have gotten almost nowhere with it. Now we have the “manifesto of Mother Monster,” and, I cannot lie, I don’t have a clue what she’s talking about. Whatever it is, it’s taking place on a government owned alien territory . . . GOAT, maybe she really is part of the illuminati.

I have this idea that her and Kanye are in some kind of competition to see who can make the strangest video. She’s winning. Sure, I get the basic idea, ‘good’ is just and non-judgmental and ‘bad’ is condescending and oppressive but you can’t have good without evil, yeah I get that. I’m not taking a poetry class for nothing am I? Am I?

Anyway.

What it comes down to is, I don’t even care. The music video is amazing. It starts out with a unicorn for god’s sake before turning into some bizarre, homoerotic version of Eraserhead. At first I thought I had accidentally started watching the 80s movie Hercules.

S'up Ladies?

Sure the choreography is kind of similar to convulsing and once again we have Gaga holding her hand like a claw and staring at it, but it fits with the strange atmosphere of the video. Gaga is looking beautiful as always, even when she tries to do her self up as ugly, it only comes out as a strangely seductive Misfits fan and a pretty gal with something stuck her teeth. Yeah let me get that out for ya . . . with my tongue.

Don't type "Tongue" into Google Images.

It’s a spectacle to watch her videos. For the guys, you get to see a plethora of campy sci-fi effects and as close to naked girls as TV will allow and for the girls, well, same thing with guys. It’s like she took all the effects used in bad art/sci-fi films made over the years and put it together into something awesome. If you want to complain that her videos are stupid, I suggest that you go back to watching Britney Spears roll around like a idiotic stripper in a cheap club. Or rap videos so you can look at cars and dudes with their pants falling off, huh, or, hell, go watch Madonna since she’s apparently so damn creative. As for me, I’ll stick with my Lady Gaga.

The Elephant in the Room... Superbo- NO, EGYPT!

Okay okay okay okay.

I know my last blog was also about football, but that was nearly a month ago so it doesn't count. And this is a totally different topic. Last time we were talking about the crap people get away with in proffesional sports. Not this time though

Honest, it's different.

So if you don't currently reside underneath a rock, (which of course you don't! you're on the internet! . . . Unless your rock is conveniently close to a Starbucks, but now I'm just off topic) Anyway, if you have any connection to any form of media you've heard a lot about this whole superbowl thing. A whole freakin' lot about this superbowl thing.

What won't be remembered in the history books, for sure, is who won the superbowl this year.

Now, if you don't know, I reside in a little suburb 40 minutes away from Pittsburgh, so if you're not in this area (or in Green Bay I guess) imagine how much crap you're hearing about the "big game," and multiply it by sexillion. (Yeah, it's a number) 

Front Page of Today's Local Newspaper Website

This really gets me in the gizzard, while America is having a mini civil war of it's own over who will win a GAME that THEY'RE NOT INVOLVED IN, that HAPPENS EVERY YEAR.

For some reason, I get this sinking feeling that events worth hearing about just might be going down in other parts of the world. You know, countries where they don't have the luxury to pull billions of dollars out of their asses to pay to watch a select group of men tackle each other. But where?

Oh yeah, Egypt

I'm not going to run down what's going on, if you don't know 1. I don't like you and 2. read a news article, it's more reliable (hopefully)

Mubarak finally stepped down today, as if he really had a choice. There is currently no central leader and him and his son are out of the picture. The US has stepped in to do it's thang, and now change is underway. (Egypt get's things done a little faster than us, huh?) This is pretty important stuff here, Mubarak's been ruling for like thirty years. That's a long freakin time, seeing as Egypt hasn't even been out of british rule for a full 100 years.

You know what it reminds me of? A revolution that occurred in 1917, in Russia, it was kind of a big deal also

Look at that mustache, it's a pretty big deal.

And I'm not saying that Egypt is going to turn into a bunch of commies or anything like that, I mean simply it's gonna change, it's gonna be a big deal, and it's gonna be written down in history books in 75 years. What won't be remembered in the history books, for sure, is who won the superbowl this year. Whether the historic change is for the better or worse I think it's hard to say at this point, but if I hadn't reiterated this enough, I'm pretty sure it's a big deal, one way or the other. Again, I end disappointed in America for it's lack of . . . knowledge? Compassion? Hell, I don't even know.

I'm disappointed in this.

Maybe Lil Wayne should make a song about Red, White and Black . . . 

But I guess that wouldn't flow

Or be gangster enough . . . yo

Nope! Not Dead Yet!

No, I don't have a clue what this is a picture of.

And the good news is that you're not either! I know because if you were, you wouldn't be reading this. Unless of course you're in hell and your eternal punishment is to read crappy blogs until you want to pull your eyes out...

Anyhow.

To most of us, this is the beginning of a bright new year, full of opportunity and excitment and a chance to better ourselves. This is the year, you'll get that promotion and I'll move out of my parents house. Everything's looking good.

Unless you're this dude.

'I dun goofed'

This is Mike Haywood. He was going to be head coach of the University of Pittsburgh's football team, or something. I dunno, sports has never been my cup of tea. But Mikey was arrested for domestic abuse a couple days ago and that didn't fly well with school officials. 

Now I don't know if colleges have higher standards than professional sports teams or coaches are just lower on the foodchain than the actual players but I feel this prompt  termination of Mikes position is uncharacteristic of the sports world. What with Pittsburgh's recent Steeler troubles and other bullshit around the NFL I expected Mike to get a good rapping on the knuckles and then sent back to the game.

Then again, they did just hire him, then again that also means they're now down a head coach. I suppose colleges haven't completely sold their souls like their professional counterparts. Have I mentioned that I don't like sports? That statement is a little to broad I guess. To rephrase, I hate the publics fascination and obsession with professional sports. 

THEY'RE BORING.

He's throwing it! I totally expected him to run.
I bet it will end with someone getting tackled.

Just the same thing over and over again. I understand enjoying playing the game, and obviously some people will like watching it, but how is the majority of the nation swept up in this BS? Give me a book or a movie, you know, something that makes a point to keep you entertained by not being the same thing for three hours straight. 

Yet people pay mucho money to watch these sports, making these sports very important to the community, making the people involved very important to the sports, giving them the status to murder dogs with their bare hands or go Rambo on their wives without serious consequences. And that, makes me very sad.

Well at least Mike got what was coming to him, I guess college football coaches haven't reached OJ Simpson level quite yet. Hopefully the NFL (NBA, NHL, NRA oh wait) hopefully they'll learn from Pitt's example and keep (or create) some level of standards for the people involved.

New Directions (No, not Glee...)

I apologize for my absence for however long I was absent. Shit was it one week or two? Anyhoo, I'm back now. But I have some big news for you, my virtual friends. This here blog is announcing a change in how my whole shindig is going to work. I realize to some, this may be disappointing, but on the whole I think it's a good change.

I'll get to them someday though

You see, it's been a couple of days now and, aside from being really frickin busy with work and school, I just couldn't bring myself to post anything new. I couldn't figure out why, I just couldn't do it. The last few days have consisted of me going to school, doing my homework and working my job at McDonald's. All free time was spent either A: Napping or B: Playing Happy Wheels and killing my character in the bloodiest way possible to relieve stress. (What is Happy Wheels you ask? www.totaljerkface.com, marvel at its awesomeness.)

So about the change. I recently read a friend of mine's blog (cbfranz.blogspot.com) and it was really heartfelt. I realized that what I was missing in this blog was a personal connection. I mean, no shit it was my opinion on matters, but I was writing from the view of journalist reporting on an issue. Which is all good and fine and all but I mean, it's kind of boring. I don't want to read like some cheap gossip magazine. That's not really an insight, and sure as hell isn't anything all that bizarre. So prepare for a revamped, more super exciting blog. It'll be starting tomorrow and I'm sticking to it. So, prepare your anus.


I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good. 
Kid Cudi, Pursuit of Happiness

Ke$ha is a Nice Lady!

You got a lil somethin on your face, oh that's just glitter

Once again Ke$ha is queen of the download charts with her newest single "We R Who We R." Heh, for a moment I thought this was gonna be some kind of inspirational song. I was wrong. But not disappointed per say, though I do feel it is her weakest single yet. It feels too much like her early singles without adding any flavor like "Your Love is My Drug" or "Take It Off." And let's be honest, when I first heard the line "Dj turn it up, up up, up" I legit thought that the song was skipping. Then I remembered it was digital and couldn't skip. Oh well, it's still a good song and I'm sure a definite club hit (I don't really go to clubs so I can't say from experience)

But an even newer single not yet discovered by the masses offers something new for sure. "Sleazy" is her style taken in a new direction. And the beat sounds nothing like her prior songs! I'm excited, although the title does nothing new for her image.

Yes, through all this fame, Ke$ha seems to be getting a bad reputation. Look at that face, does that really look like the face of a hoar to you? Rhetorical question, of course.

I wanna clear up some things about my girl Ke$ha. Now when I say my girl, I mean I have all of her singles and have not yet and don't plan to purchase her full albums. That's our relationship.

But, she's being treated unfairly, with people are calling her "generic""unoriginal," "untalented" or even a "Lady Gaga Wannabe?" How can you say that about her? First people say she's unoriginal, THEN they go and say she's not even singing. Wait a minute, how do you sell over 5 million song downloads in a song where you're not singing. What's  she doing?

I call it rapping, though many people seem to not like the term, I can think of no better way to put it. Especially, after hearing "Sleazy," I think it's safe to say that she is a rapper of sorts. Now think about this, when is the last time you heard a white girl obsessed with hipsters and drinking come out and start "rapping" to an infectious dance beat?

Never?

I believe that means she's original. Also covers the not generic. She's quite the contrary actually. Even her song lyrics, who some say are mindless, are no more mindless then any other pop song on the radio today. She actually stands out in a way, where as most females with dirty mouths subjugate themselves to being the focus of a song, Ke$ha does what any male rapper does, and talks about the opposite sex like they're some kind of toy rather than fellow people. Perhaps not the most ideal role model, but hell, who says she needs to be a role model? She didn't start out on the disney channel and one day decide being risque would help her image (cough cough Miley) she came onto the scene feeling like P Diddy and drinking Jack early in the morning.

(I feel like her and Asher Roth are perfect for each other)

A Lady Gaga wannabe? Hardly, their music rarely sounds similar and their singings are of separate genres. Their subject matter pretty much never focus on the same thing, Gaga focusing on love and sex while Ke$ha sticks to drinking and partying. And she only came out a year after Gaga! They're contemporaries, and both unique in their own way. For those who say Ke$ha can't make music, then I guess over 10 million people have bought a recording of... not music. But shit, she must be doing something right.