Yahoo won't let you forget 'Friday,' so neither will I

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you have already had the pleasure of hearing rising star (tee hee) Rebecca Black’s smash youtube hit “Friday.” If you haven’t, listen now.

How does it make you feel? Angry? Helpless? Loss of faith in this planet? You know what have to say to you? You sir and/or Madame are a sour-puss. Yeah I said it. It has been widely dubbed the worst song ever made which is, completely unfair. The only way that could possibly true is if you’re one of those that like to pretend the 80s never happened.

They don’t like you forgetting. They still have their whips.

But anyway, this post is too late to simply bag on or praise “Friday” it’s what? Two weeks old? Maybe three? That’s old entertainment news in the internet world. . . . Unless you happen to be yahoo.com, who has posted almost as many articles about RB as they have on ‘how to not get your food pissed in when at a restaurant’ articles.

 You can’t see it, but one of their flies is actually down.

Yahoo has recently posted an article proving once and for all that, though we like to believe it, not everybody can sing as well Rebecca Black. Now I’m not saying that this means RB should be trying out for American Idol any time soon, but just take a listen to “Sunday” by some other girl and you will see what I mean.

 On the plus side the rap part is actually much better.

You know it’s bad when you can’t even hold a monotone using auto-tune because your voice cracks too much. I blame it on her age, her body's still not done growing. . . Actually it's definitely not done growing. But nonsense! She's just a girl, making a video for the fun of it. I can’t hate on a little girl singing about church for Christ’s sake!

I can just feel the innocence pouring from the song.

That’s what everyone else did on Rebecca Black. Why is she getting this label of worst song ever? She made a song, which the producers clearly said wouldn’t make her popular and now everybody has heard it. Why? Because people like it on some basic level or else it would just fade away into Internet oblivion like every shitty screamo cover of Katy Perry’s latest song. Her song is being played over and over again, if it was truly so incredibly terrible nobody would want to listen to it. Yet instead, we keep returning to it. 

And it’s all because Yahoo and company won’t let us forget! So I say screw it! Let’s make ‘Sunday’ a multi-million dollar song too. Heck, phone your radio stations and tell them to just play youtube songs from now on, that’s obviously what people are listening too now anyway. It's like a friend of mine (who's not a fan of pop music) said, if it weren't for the comment section, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between this and Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber or Britney Spears. Ke$ha is the same style as RB anyway isn't she? Yes, yes she is.

On the plus side, yahoo shared this version which I thought was pretty good.

Pia voted off, Stefano & Paul remain?

It really should come as no surprise to anybody that I am a loyal American Idol viewer and have been for at least 7 years. That being said, I’ve seen a lot of people get up on that stage and sing their hearts out. They can hit every note in multiple octaves and they can belt it out like a true rock star, diva, or whatever else they may be going for. And I’ve seen them voted off just the same, while lesser singers still remain.

Here's looking at you asshole.

As much as quite a few people are surprised that Pia Toscano, whom many believed had a solid shot at winning this season, got sent home, I am not. While it’s undeniable that she was a very good singer, arguably the best singer there, there is more to the show than simply singing. Now if you come at me with, ‘It’s a singing competition,’ I will tell you that, no asshole, it’s not.

If it were simply a singing competition, there would be no need to televise it. Nobody would repeatedly tell Stefano to look at the audience because that’s not part of the singing. It’s part of the performance. But saying that American Idol is simply a performance competition is also inaccurate. Seriously, let’s dissect the title just to simplify things.

American: Pretty self-explanatory.

Idol: Now here’s where the magic really comes into play. It’s neither American Singer nor American Performance. The title is Idol.

Thankfully not American Badass.

I feel like this point is sometimes downplayed and sometimes brought up too much depending on whichever theory favors the contestant in question. Yet, this is how I see: Here is how dictionary.com describes idol: any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion: Madame Curie had been her childhood idol.

Whoever "her" is may be someone to avoid.

But surely, you didn’t come here to read the dictionary. Okay, so idol requires one to be the full package. To be an idol means people have to adore you and to look up to you. I may think Enya is a fantastic singer. But Lady Gaga is an idol, even if her clubs aren’t quite the iron Enya’s are.

So too, Pia in comparison to many of the other Idol contestants. Sure, Haley has had as many god-awful weeks as she has good, sure, she growls and screams more than Jonathon Davis.

This guy.

Okay, so Scotty’s range is minimal at most. Maybe he’s a bit of a one trick pony but as that dude with the glasses that’s been helping everyone this year said about somebody at some point. “It’s a good trick.” What these people have is some personality, something more than their performance for the viewer to remember. This in no way means that I endorse Haley winning the competition, in fact, I would be ashamed with America if that was the case, but I can understand how Pia got left behind. Her songs, though wonderfully sang, did not really break any new ground and let’s be honest. She was dry as a biscuit.

A very hot biscuit nonetheless.

It does still upset me that she has gone home this early however, when Paul and Stefano are still in the game. What is up with that? I hated myself last night for enjoying Paul’s song because every other week since the very beginning I have loathed him. That creepy smile, that creepy voice, those creepy pants, that creepy bouncing thing he does. He’s like some creepy satyr come to steal your children away.

I will not make a dong joke. I will not make a dong joke.

And Stefano? He’s similar in personality to Pia (read boring) but his singing isn’t near as good. Sometimes these’s people’s song choices make me question if they really are 20 something year olds and not just vessels for dried up old singers. Is it wrong to want to hear songs I’ve heard of? Every time Stefano talks I have to suppress the urge to scream Douche! at the top of my lungs.

So to sum up my feelings towards tonight’s “shocking” results show. I was not shocked. Slightly disappointed. Still losing faith in America, but not American Idol, I will continue watching all the same, and not lose a bit of sleep over tonights ruling.

See ya, Pia!

(Sorry, I had to say it)